Firstly, a disclaimer. I am writing this at 5.00am. I am tired, so damn tired but the kids will be up soon so there's no point in going to bed yet. Please excuse all spelling and grammar errors.
'To err is human'.
Friday 3rd June was my usual Friday night gig at the five star St David's hotel in Cardiff. For once this was quite a normal gig. A nice gentle evening singing my little heart out in a great venue. I kick off at 7pm at SD so I have to leave home at around 5pm to get in and set up so I'm ready to start singing by 7pm - but it's worth it. You never know who's going to walk through the door - but more of that later.
On Saturday the 4th of June I performed at the party for the Saab Wales Open golf championship at the Celtic Manor Resort near Newport. I'm pretty used to playing at the CM now (I sang at the Ryder Cup 2010 wrap party) but this time I was humbled by the words of billionaire business-man Sir Terry Mathews (the guy who built and owns the resort). Just before I started my performance Sir Terry came rushing over saying something like; "I can't believe your're here! I'm so frickkin glad you're here to entertain us all this evening. You were amazing at the Ryder Cup." He then grabbed the microphone and told the audience that they were in for a treat, "Aubrey Parsons is dynamite..." he continued. To be honest I was totally taken aback and really pleased to think that a billionaire is one of my fans!
I wanna be a billionaire, so frickkin' bad.
Sunday 5th June found me singing at a 65th birthday party at an exclusive venue near Cardiff. The client was someone I had worked for before and he had hired a restaurant for the evening. Again I needed to arrive early and leave late. However it was a nice gentle night with no problems or surprises.
I then had the luxury of a few days off before the avalanche happened.
On Friday 10th June I had a last minute call to do some 'extra' work on the Welsh language TV show 'Pobl Y Cwm' ('People of the valley'). Usually when I work on 'Pobl' filming only takes a few hours. However this time I had a 'walk on' part as a hotel manager. This means you have to interact and speak with the main actors so I had to start filming at 9am and I didn't finish until 5.30pm. Luckily we were filming in Cardiff and it was just a 20 minute drive from the BBC to my usual Friday night gig at St David's. However, I had to do the gig in my hotel manager clothes - amazingly - no one noticed. Now what does that say for my dress sense and style?
During that evening, after a discussion with the management team at St David's it was agreed that I would return later in the week to perform for a certain band that was staying at the hotel...
Saturday 10th June was a wedding in Cowbridge. I love performing at weddings but it doesn't half take it out of me. Unlike many performers I more often than not DJ for the first half of the evening and then do a 2 hour straight flat-out live set and then finish by DJ'ing until the end of the night (which is usually midnight) and again the gear doesn't set it'self up or pack it'self away...
So to Tuesday 11th June 2011. Take That were performing the first of 2 nights in Cardiff on their Progress tour. I had been asked to perform at St David's hotel (where the band were staying) before the Take That gig and then later in the evening after the band had returned to the hotel after their gig. My first set started at 6pm and I eventually left the building at around 2am. In between was what can only be described as a circus. (see what I did there TT fans.)
The hotel had taken on extra security in addition to the bands own general and personal security (each member had their own 'minder'). Outside the hotel dozens of mainly women and gay men had been hanging around all day along with a gaggle of 'Paps'. No one was allowed into the hotel unless they could show a room key or confirmation that they were attending another function that was being held for the steel giant and Landrover owner 'Tata'. So that night the hotel had the 4th richest man in the world having an event along with the biggest band in UK - all under one roof. You would have had more luck getting backstage to U2 at Glastonbury. Inside the hotel was full of rather merry middle aged women who had all seem to have had the foresight to book rooms in St David's on the off chance that Take That would be staying there. Well done ladies!
One regular customer of the bar (who is very tall, very fit, very well built, very rich and very not about to put up with hassle from anyone) attempted to gain access to the hotel for a drink. He was stopped by security who told him that if he didn't have a key card, he couldn't enter. His reply was as follows;
"Listen hear butty, I drink at the bar in this hotel every night of the week. If Robbie Williams comes here for a night and thinks he can stop me drinking in my regular drinking hole he can f**k off!"
The security guard relented and opened the door for him.
Once the band's show was over they returned to the hotel but they were sneaked past the crowd of fans via the tradesman's (?!?) entrance and through the kitchens to the rear of the restaurant where they were entertained by me and their cohorts of management, crew and security. At this point I'd like to say that what goes on tour stays on tour. Mind you Robbie was gobbing off about what a great performer he was so I told him to 'button it' and showed him how it should be done (or was that a dream I once had). As soon as the band returned I was handed a piece of paper by the band's management which read 'No songs by the band!'. You will be pleased to know that I often perform songs by Take That because they have some great songs. Nearly all the customers in the bar had been to the concert and they kept asking me to sing TT songs. So you will be even more pleased to know that no snotty little so-and-so from any management company is going to stop me singing what I want to sing - and that night was no exception!
...and the world came alive.
I guess I didn't upset them too much because the following morning I had a txt message asking if I could do it all over again for the Wednesday night. Oh boy was I tired and the thought of doing it all again was quite daunting. By the time I had arrived and set my gear up at the hotel that afternoon I knew I was going to struggle. Especially since I knew that TT had two days off and would probably want to party a little later that night. Luckily I managed to negotiate a room with the hotel which meant I didn't have far to go at the end of the night.
Have you ever wondered which member of TT is the 'odd one out'?
I haven't, but I did think it was strange that Jason Orange didn't leave the bar until 5.45am the following morning after spending a huge part of the evening talking about George Michael. This I hasten to add came to me via a third party because I had crashed and burned by 4am.
Friday 17th June. I arrived back at SD for gig number 3 that week to find that Simon Cowell's production company were staying at the hotel whilst they were filming 'Red or Black' (his new show). It seems that wherever SC is, Ant & Dec are usually pretty close behind and sure enough, there they were. Dec opted for an early night whilst Ant and the crew stuck out my set like the troopers that they are. I must have counted at least twenty people who walked up to Ant and asked for photo's or autographs and he didn't say 'no' once. He smiled his way though every encounter and was courteous to everyone he spoke to - including me. They are regular visitors to SD and it wouldn't surprise me to see them there in the future. After my performance Ant (the one with the massive forehead who always stands on the left in case you are wondering) came up and said; "Aubrey, cheers pal, that was great entertainment." I couldn't think of anything witty to say so I just smiled and said "Thanks PJ... or is it Duncan?".
I'm going to skip a few days now. I did a few private functions and tried to get some rest but the phone doesn't seem to stop ringing (in a good way) at the moment so a rest is out of the question. I also have a fantastic wife and two daughters who have to get up for school every morning so there is very rarely a chance of a lie in!
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| Aubrey singing at the Raddison Blu Party |
Thursday 23rd of June. I performed at an anniversary party for the Radisson BLU hotel in Cardiff. It was another long day. Get to the venue early, sound-check, hang around, perform etc. Eventful none the less. Before I sang, a flash mob choir surprised the guests by bursting into song wilst milling around them (the guests thought the choir were other guests and hotel staff). They then moved to the stage and performed a few numbers. It was all quite exciting. They were followed by 'Jukebox Juniors' a young street dance gang who had appeared on SKY TV's equivalent of BGT. They were quite frankly mindblowingly good and I had to go on after them - no pressure then. I did manage to get up and sing without anyone blocking their ears or walking out so I can't have been that bad. The whole evening had a blue theme and there were even a few blue men walking around....
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| Smurf genetic mutation. |
After my performance I was stood talking with a few of the guys from FreshBaked PR who are the company who had booked me to perform at the event. As we were talking one the guy's attention was grabbed by some people who had just entered the room. His jaw nearly hit the floor and I turned to see five or six rather beautiful and stylish young women stood on the other side of the room.
"Who the heck are they?" asked one of the guys.
"I dunno but I'm going wherever they are going after this party is over!" replied the other. (Both will remain nameless thanks to a super-injunction.)
At that moment, one of the ladies saw me and gracefully walked across the room and came up to me, gave me a big 'air kiss' and said; "Hey Aubrey, great to see you, how's your voice? It's been a while..." We chatted for a minute or so and then she returned to her friends. There was a stunned and slightly confused silence which was broken by one of the guys...
"That was Miss Wales, Courtney Hamilton - how the hell does she know you?"
"Oh you know, you get to meet 'people' when you do my job." I replied with an air of mystery, and left it at that. They eyed me with a slightly confused, envious, "you lucky sod" kind of look.
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| Courtney Hamilton |
I didn't tell them that I'd met Courtney when she used to work behind the bar at Bar 44 in Cowbridge where I sometimes perform. All the facts can spoil a moment - don't you think?
After the Radisson party I headed over the O'Neil's in Cardiff where another one of the PR guys from the company who arranged the party was going on to perform as one half of an acoustic duo called S&M. I couldn't stay for too long (I was shattered), however I am going make the effort to go back and see them again for the simple reason that these guys are bloody genius.
Check them out here: http://www.myspace.com/bitofsandm
They perform at O'Neill's every Sunday night, and if you want to see some really well know songs played acoustic styleeeee with humour, energy and their own slant - and if you want to be entertained - GO AND SEE THESE GUYS. S&M Rock!!!
The next morning Friday 3rd of June, (nice and early) I drove to London for the first of two gigs that day.
I drove to Dartmouth House which is the home of the English speaking union on Charles street in central London for a lunchtime performance for a 'sporting lunch'.
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| Dartmouth House - Posh innit! |
The people attending the lunch were part of a cricketing 'lunch club' and the day was hosted by an associate of mine called Roger Dakin - Roger is an after dinner speaker, MC, auctioneer and all round raconteur. The lunch was attended by Christopher Martin Jenkins who is a well known cricket commentator and head of the MCC. There were a few other sporting legends such as Peter Reed in attendance but my knowledge of sports people (and sport in general) will fit on the head of a pin so I haven't got a clue who they were. I hasten to add that they were all very nice people at the lunch and I was surprised at the reception I got after my performance.
I only had to sing six songs during the meal, but as gigs go I probably landed more future gigs than at any other time. By the end of the day I had been booked to perform at the 1971 Lions Reunion Dinner in London, Ian (Cricketer) Bell's testimonial dinner on board HMS Belfast, a private function in Chelmsford, a gig at the 'Long room' at Lords cricket ground, and a series of gigs lined up with Grange Hotels who are a seriously posh group of five and six star London hotels. Find out more about them here.
As soon as the the lunch event was over I had to retrieve my car from the NCP car park. £30.00 for 5 hours - bargain!!! Fight with a traffic warden so I could load the car up. and then speed off into the Friday afternoon traffic to make my way to the next gig in.... Cardiff. The traffic however did not want to play and it was 8pm before I managed to get back to St David's hotel in Cardiff. I then had a mad rush to set up my gear and start singing. I started singing and Liam Neeson walked into the bar and a few minutes later Sam Worthington sauntered in. Worthington played the blue guy in Avatar - It struck me that blue people were popping up everywhere that week and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid if Papa Smurf had walked through the door with Dr. Manhattan in tow.
The actors, minders and members of their crew were occupying a good proportion of the rooms at St David's whilst they were filming 'Clash of the Titans 2'. Wales seems to act as a magnet to the great and the good at the moment!
The following morning, 25th June 2011 I was up and out early to travel to a small village near Worcester for a wedding. I was singing in a marquee during the drinks reception and for the evening party. My prayers for sunshine were answered a little too well. I was asked to set up outside the marquee for the drinks reception and I thought I was going to melt in the heat. Note to self: Black suit and black hat + Sunshine don't mix. During the 'cooler' evening the wedding guests didn't want to seem to want to sit down, preferring to dance their little socks off - So I obliged by extending my performance. By the end of the day I had performed for 3 and a half hours and by the time I got back to Cardiff at 3am I really was ready for a lie in...
I had the following email the day after the wedding:
"Dear Aubrey
Well, what can I say....... Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!
You were absolutely amazing. We and our guests were completely bowled over and captivated by your brilliant singing. It was quite simply “The Very Best”. Each and every one of our guests cannot stop talking about your brilliant singing saying how fantastic you are and what a truly perfect evening they had.
As I said to you, we were very lucky and privileged to have you sing at our daughter’s wedding. I just wish I had another 10 daughters so we could do it again and again.
Kindest Regards and Very best wishes
Jo"
Sunday 26th June 2011. I was hoping for lie-in but it was not to happen. I had to be at Cardiff castle by 8am to rig my gear for 'Polo in the Castle'. Boy it was warm. Even at 8am all the signs were there that it was going to be a scorcher of a day. I didn't start performing until 3pm, and by that time you could have cooked curry on my head. It was so hot that I took some of my own advice and ditched the black suit and black hat. I popped to M&S and purchased a cream Italian linen suit, boat shoes and a new Panama hat. Thank goodness I did, the heat peaked at around 31 degrees in the castle grounds and was more like 40 degrees in the marquees. Miss Wales popped up again - I think she's stalking me!
The started with sweaty horses and beautiful people and ended with beautiful horses and sweaty people, but my performance went down well with the pimms and shampoo drinkers. So much so that I didn't get out of the Castle grounds until gone 11pm. Now I was really ready for a day off...
Monday 27th June 2011.
Day off my arse.
After dragging myself out of bed I had to travel back up to the Celtic Manor for the 'Andy Gray & Gary McAlistair charity golf classic'. Gear had to be rigged by 5pm and they needed a PA system that would fill a third of the Caernarfon suit at the manor. Not very big you might think. but take a look at the picture below of the whole room and then tell me that a third of 'bloody huge' isn't still massive!
The event was in aid of breast cancer and was supposedly attended by (and I quote): "A large number of our sporting and entertainment friends, including: Steven Gerrard, Michael Owen, Des Walker, Jamie Redknapp, Tony McCoy. Geoff Shreeves, Mick Fitzgerald, Paul Jewell, Matt Dawson, Gareth Edwards, Dave Jones, Matt Le Tissier, Russell Osman, Trevor Sinclair, Ben Shephard and Charlie Nicholas."
Were they all there I hear you ask. Not a clue is my reply.
My stalker Gareth Edwards was there. He turns up at so many of my gigs with his wife Maureen that I'm thinking of adopting them both. Gareth commented that we must be visiting the same tailor as he had a suit that was remarkably similar to my new Italian linen M&S number... Oh and I saw Ieuan Evans, but I only recognised him because our kids used to go to school together.
After an auction that raised many thousands for the charity it was my turn to sing. It was quite hard work getting the crowd going. Most of them had been playing golf all day and were obviously de-hydrated because they seemed to be drinking excessive amounts of liquid....
Suddenly the stage was crashed by Andy Gray and we were singing 'Bat out of hell' together. I mean how did that happen. The evening then ended up with requests being shouted by the audience and various celebs clambering up on stage to sing with me. Who were they? I don't bloody know!
By the end of the night I'd had enough. I was on the verge of collapse. Luckily I'd managed to secure a room at the hotel so I was able to leave the gear and finally get a lie in. My head hit the pillow with thoughts of a nice breakfast and a swim in the morning...
Tuesday 28th June, 2011 8.00am
I'm dreaming of bells. The phone is ringing. And ringing, and ringing... I answer.
"Mr. Parsons, this is reception, the events team need you to move your equipment out of the Caernarfon suit because they are about to start rigging for any event this afternoon..."
Bugger.
By the time I had finished rigging and returned home it was mid afternoon. I had a pile of emails, accounting and missed messages to get through. This took until mid afternoon of Wednesday 29th of June 2011. By early Wednesday evening I had caught up with everything apart from this blog and I had just opened a bottle of wine to accompany the dinner my wife had just cooked. Peace and rest and an evening with my family at last.
The phone rang and voice said; "Hello Aubrey, this is Canada Lakes Lodge, we have 150 people here for dinner and they were expecting you to have set up for your gig this evening by now - where are you?"
"No, that event is tomorrow night." I replied whilst running into my office to get the contract.
"I have the contract here in front of me and it's dated tomorrrrr...... shit. I'll be there in 30 minutes."
I grabbed a shirt (My suits live in my van) and ran out of the house. My wife looked perplexed and I hit my hand with my head as I walked out of the door shouting "My flipping head's gone. Got the date wrong. I need a rest!" and off I went, to the next gig.
Cantoriaon Creigiau is a choir who were celebration their 40 year anniversary. 150 people turned to look at me as I squeezed my way into the venue which was packed to the rafters. I sheepishly set my gear up and explained to the event organizer that this was the first time in my life that I had got a date wrong for a gig. However I managed to rig the gear and get started on time.
At the end of the night, one of the guests came up and commented; "It's so nice to finally have an entertainer at one of these events who can actually sing. There are a few people here who like to think they can 'sing' but you really showed them how to do it!"
That comment made and still makes me chuckle and to be honest after the madness of the last month I need a good laugh.
So dear reader, I'd like to thank you for getting this far (unlike the other lightweights who couldn't be bothered to read all of this blog), I'd like to thank all the good and the great who keep booking me, and I'd like to thank my family for putting up with a very tired and grumpy old man. If John Peel was still alive I'd like to think he'd be proud of me.
Until the next time...
Rock on.
